There are rare times I feel truly inclined to share my thoughts, via blogging, on personal, hard to discuss topics. Today, is one of those days. As you may have guessed, my topic is singleness.
Awhile back ago, my frustration with dating (or lack thereof) came to a head. I was often angry, full of self-doubts and long-ignored frustrations. What was wrong with me? I had often asked myself. Why, when it seems that everyone else around me is happily dating, am I single? Where is my prince charming? Why, when I am trying so hard, do I always get a shrug and a “eh, I’m just not attracted to you.”
Needless to say, I was hurting pretty bad. And that hurt turned to anger. Towards God. Towards my life. Towards my weaknesses. If I had to guess, I probably wasn’t the most fun person to be around either.
About two or three weeks into this intense feeling of anger and impatience, I ‘coincidentally’ (I would say it’s a miracle) ran into a good friend of mine in the library, who’d recently been engaged. We got to talking and, somehow, I started pouring out my frustrations with life. I was slightly surprised when she said, “I know how you feel.” She then went on to explain how she had felt before she had met her fiancee. Perhaps not so shockingly, it sounded like she had gone through what I was going through at that moment.
I couldn’t help but ask, “What did you do?”
Her answer was simple. “I prayed, a lot.” To have patience in the situation. To have trust in God. (I should note that, it wasn’t until after she had changed, through prayer, that she met her fiancee. Doesn’t mean that will happen to everyone – for her, that was just the right timing).
That moment was pivotal for me. An answer to an aching heart and an unknown prayer. Walking away from that conversation, I doubt that my friend realized how big of an impact she had on my life. But because of that conversation, I acted. I decided to do something about the situation. And that was to pray.
For patience. With myself and with Him.
For the ability to trust in Him and in His timing.
To have peace, despite the turmoil I felt.
And, day after day, I began to change.
I can’t quite explain how. Or when. But I can say that the change was gradual. The strength I was offered during that time immense. I came to know that God loved me, despite my anger with Him. He understood. And He wanted to help and to heal.
Slowly, my anger faded and my hurts were healed. I began to feel peace, with a new sense of trust in God and His timing. I grew closer to Him. Learning that, perhaps, in that moment, being single was the number one thing teaching me how to trust in God’s timing.
I won’t lie. Even now, I occasionally struggle. But now, instead of just feeling the hurt of singleness, I feel the overwhelming peace that God knows me. That, as long as I am doing all I can to be a true disciple of Christ, I will meet my Prince Charming in the right time and in the right place.
Being single is not always easy – no matter what age.
And it will never be easy until the realization comes that God is needed in every aspect of our lives. Especially in those aspects concerning dating and marriage. Because we can’t see the future.
But God can.
I testify to you today that God and His son Jesus Christ live. They love you.
For those of you struggling out there, keep your chin up. God has great things in store for you.
Trust in Him. And believe in good things to come.